Most people you meet on a cruise will be fun, friendly and interesting. But there are always a few who slip through the net; something about the sea air seems to bring out the worst in them. Here’s a spotter’s guide of five cruising types to avoid.
The Skinflint
The skinflint’s goal is to have a zero balance on their onboard account at the end of the cruise. They hang around anything with free booze, from the ‘champagne’ art auction to the Captain’s cocktail party. You’ll spot them lurking at the photo gallery, surreptitiously snapping their own photo on their mobile. They wouldn’t dream of paying to eat in any of the speciality restaurants and they have no shame at all when it comes to loading up a packed lunch at the breakfast buffet for the day’s excursion. As for tipping – the skinflint is first in line to remove the auto-gratuities, claiming, untruthfully, they will ‘pay cash’ instead.
The Boozer
The boozy cruiser pays for the all-inclusive upgrade and, shall we say, gets their money’s worth. The party starts at breakfast, followed by a bucket-of-beer challenge at 10am, cocktails round the pool, an all-afternoon session with their new best friends and often, a nasty sunburn by nightfall from an alcohol-induced siesta. The boozy cruiser keeps the party going, for sure, but will often appear slightly unsteady on their feet, blaming the motion of the ship as they topple over.
The Snob
Hyacinth Bucket types are often to be spotted on cruise ships. They’ve either earned Platinum status in the cruise line’s loyalty scheme, in which case they’ll ostentatiously plonk their cruise card down on the table at dinner, or they’ve splashed out on a suite, which will be dropped into conversation very early on. Chummying up with the captain is another sign (“Oh, we’ve cruised with Captain Sven for years. He always looks out for us.”) The captain, of course, probably doesn’t know who they are.
The Bore
Alarm bells should start ringing when you sit down at dinner on the first night and your table-mate’s opening line is “How many cruises have you been on?” Yes, it’s the cruise bore. Most sentences begin “When we were in…” They work in pairs. One half of the ‘bore’ couple delivers a monologue about their travels while the other butts in occasionally with extra, often irrelevant detail. You’ll spot them around the ship sporting logo-wear from the various cruises they’ve done.
The Control Freak
The control freak is probably not far off a heart attack. They’re a stickler for timing and intensely territorial, which is never a good combination. They must have the front seat of the coach on every excursion and they will sit, tapping their watch, if anybody is late back on the bus after a photo-stop. They will get up early on sea days to bag a sun-lounger and will become agitated if their usual spot has gone. You’ll see them at the buffet, occupying a whole table for two even at the busiest times and creating a makeshift fortress around it with cutlery, bags and trays. No need to avoid the control freak; they keep to themselves, muttering darkly.
But don’t worry, as none of the above stereotypes will get in the way of a fantastic cruise holiday. To browse the very latest cruise deals direct from Cruise1stUK, visit our homepage or call us on 0808 2746 777.
